Both sides of highly contentious groups have done the impossible and agreed on a solution to both abortion and gun control. Martha Washington, a 2nd amendment activist, said, “It’s about time!” Jefferson Peabody, a pro-spousal infidelity advocate, said, “This is liberating!” The details of the deal are still materializing. But from an inside source, we… Continue reading Anti-Abortion and Gun-Control Groups Find a Compromise
A theoretical scientist reviewed our theory on fake news and came up with an interesting conclusion. After studying our clams that all news is fake, he concluded that, “If all news is fake, then reports of fake news are, by definition, also fake. If fake news is fake, then the regular news must have been… Continue reading The Fake, Fake News!
Beginning on Thursday, Georgia conservatives proudly announced that all polling centers will be relocated to designated docks along the coast. Each dock will have curtains installed to ensure the privacy of boat voters, or “boaters” as they call themselves. It is not yet known how residents without boats will vote once the new law goes… Continue reading First Polls Open on the High Seas
Following a Tuesday round of golf with dignitaries from all around New Jersey, the former president demanded a recount of everyone’s golf strokes. It became apparent to the former president that he was losing the game after he lost 5 strokes and a sand wedge to a pesky sand trap on hole 10. On an… Continue reading Trump Demands Another Recount
Founded from a splinter group of the good folks who stormed the Capitol, the “Not Rightfully Allected” foundation aims to finish the work that then president Trump began. An NRA spokesperson (no affiliation with the National Rifle Association) said that Biden was not rightfully elected and is being carefully watched.
On Monday, Ted Cruz’s slip of the tongue spilled the beans on who his best friend is, a snake. On condition of anonymity, a high ranking turtle-like conservative senator stated that Ted shared with him that his best friend is in fact a snake named Harry. Ted said that Harry and he have so much… Continue reading Ted Cruz’s Best Friend Is a Snake?
In an unexpected turn of events, the former president has sued his namesake company, the Trump Organization, for tarnishing his good name through lies and deceit. When questioned for comment, his lawyer Rudy Giuliani said, “Is this a video call? Do I need to pull my pants up for this call? No further comment.”
A scathing new report was leaked from the FBI which casts doubt of the former president’s reported use of the phrase “big league”. At the direction of the disgraced former FBI leader, James Comey, a team of 60 agents poured through the president’s emails for the past 25 years and found 6,102,345 times that the… Continue reading Big League or Bigly?
On Wednesday, the former president sued the Polydent corporation for its role in his re-election loss. The lawsuit claims that Trump voters were not able to properly articulate their intended votes in early polls due to failed denture glue, Polydent. One voter, Jimmy, went on record saying “Weh, I wen o thpeak bu no worm… Continue reading Donald Trump Sues Polydent